Baby on My Mind

Since I can’t really read the Internet because I’m blind, I figured I’d zoom in like crazy and write up a blog entry.

It’s kind of weird to think that I’m going to be a father in a month or so. Not just because I’m going to be taking care of a life or some nonsense like that though. I mean, are you serious? I’m going to be amazing. Do you see how well I take care of my sneakers? And those are just patent leather pieces of inorganic crap (or organic. I don’t understand the difference. Hehe I’m smart.) Not an actual living breathing thing. Shoot, I’m awesome at taking care of things. Ask Mina. I take care of her all the time. Sometimes, I take care of her so well she gets mad at me. “OMG stop taking care of me. It’s too nice, like your hair. LMAO!!” I swear, this is how she talks.

Anyway, it’s weird because it’s just not very real to me yet. I look over at my wife and sometimes I see her lovingly caressing her belly and I can just tell she’s absolutely flat out head over heels in love with the little boy inside of her. But for me, I just see my wife’s big beautiful belly. And I know all the natural reasons for this – it’s because she’s connected with the baby and she can feel him moving and hiccupping and doing all sorts of crazy things every second of every day. The closest I get to being bothered by the baby is when Mina can’t fall asleep at night and I have to listen to her saying “this is so uncomfortable.” Fortunately, I’m really good at falling asleep so I only hear her say it like once or twice and then I’m zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I assume this feeling is natural, but sometimes I feel really guilty about it because I start to think – what if I never bond with our baby like that? What if the doctor hands me my baby covered in afterbirth and blood and God knows what else and all I can think is, “Why is his head like that?” What if he starts to poop on my hand while I’m holding him and I drop him on the floor he starts sliding across the linoleum like a crazy piece of mook? (why are these so hard to pick up? Makes me so mad. You’re so delicious and I want to eat you! Just get on my chopstick and hold on! Jeez!) What happens if I look at him and I don’t have that moment of euphoric deer-in-the-headlights kind of love that I’m supposed to have as a new daddy?

Well… there’s always kid #2!

Haha… just kidding.

I guess there’s no real way to tell right now though. I’ll just have to wait and see what happens when I finally meet this kid who’s been treating my wife’s inner organs like a Rock Band drum kit. The monster who makes my wife eat 2 or more ice cream treats after dinner every night. (Josiah, one day I will ask you about this but we must both promise never to reveal the truth to your mother) The little guy who we, as well as so many others of you (and we are truly grateful for all of you) have been praying over for the past half year or so now.

So, buddy, I don’t know when I’ll get to see you. And i can’t promise that when I do, I’ll love you like your momma does. But I do promise that I’ll take care of you with my life. See you soon. Don’t touch my sneakers.