new york state of mind.

onto a lighter topic... but still a tragedy nonetheless.

http://www.hoopsworld.com/article_21697.shtml

i can see the sunset.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

in the wake of the tragedy at virginia tech, i’ve gone through a fair amount of emotions – sadness, anger, fear. i was saddened by the thought of all those lost – not only for those who were lost but for those who have had to endure the losing: the parents, the friends, the brothers and sisters. i was angry that such a terrible tragedy could even happen in our world today (angry, but not surprised, frankly) and also angry that the first reactions from some were to place blame rather than try to heal, to find someone at fault rather than try to help. lastly, i was afraid of retaliation.

we have to be careful here. before we begin analyzing the situation and trying to find someone to blame for the tragedy, we must understand why it occurred. and the simple answer is because of pain.

there is no doubt that this certain individual has created a prodigious amount of pain himself. an entire university has been shaken to its very foundation. parents who were anticipating the arrival of their children after the spring semester instead await the arrival of caskets. friends eagerly looking forward to spending the summer together must now share the heat coldly alone. families have been torn apart. even the perpetrator’s own family is not without suffering – for all the heinousness of the individual, did his parents deserve that pain? to know your child is dead, his life taken by his own hand is terrible. to know that your child carried out a massacre of other children prior is almost unbearable.

i’ve already heard a few stories of some koreans being discriminated against for the simple fact that they are the same race as this killer. i’ve even heard rumors that the killer’s parents were taken into custody by the FBI for their own protection. whether this is true or not, i have no idea but i do know this – retaliation is a very real possibility. there could be someone out there hurting so badly that all they want to do is make the person who caused this pain to hurt just as much. how far will they go to see this fulfilled?

the sad thing is, we’ve already seen the consequence of going too far to satisfy your anger. the vtech shooting is a direct result of anger. how angry must you be to take the life of not one enemy but 32 strangers? what kind of rage must have filled you? and what caused this anger? how much hurt must have amassed to transform into such unbridled, blind, merciless anger that you take the lives of 32 other human beings?

for the kids who were too cool for star wars, the quote that began this post is from yoda, a guy who due to his physical appearance probably wouldn’t fit in anywhere in on this planet, much less america. but he understood people and the kind of chaos and suffering that pain could cause. in my opinion, it’s a cycle – pain leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to more pain. and we saw that cycle at vtech.

think about it for a second – everytime you’ve gotten angry, it’s because of pain. whether it’s from dropping a hammer on your toe to someone making fun of you, the natural progression is from hurt to anger. the terrible truth is, there is a lot of pain in this world. maybe even more hurt than the good stuff.

the world is a terrible place. think about the number of people in this world. how many of these people are genuinely happy? how many of these people are genuinely satisfied and content with their lives? i’m not even talking about just some people who are sad or depressed or who have lost loved ones. in our country alone, the number of people suffering is enormous. the poor, the diseased, the abused, etc. but the rest of the world is even more messed up. entire continents seemingly overcome by epidemics and civil war. civil rights – basic tenets of human life being denied in secret all over the place. women being treated as underground sex slaves. there is just so much shit in this world, it’s ridiculous.

sometimes, it’s thinking about this kind of nonsense that makes me really want to give up on people, on the world. yet it’s in these moments that you have to cling onto hope. you need to grasp on and hold on like you’re slipping from a roller coaster. falling into despair, into shame, into pain, into anger… only leads to more.

there’s a song from a band called live entitled heaven. in it, the lead singer proclaims that “i don’t need no one to tell me about heaven – i look at my daughter and i believe. i don’t need no proof when it comes to God and truth, i can see the sunset and i perceive.” the lyricist’s point was that it’s in the beautiful moments, the precious things in life, the majesty and wonder and beauty of life that we realize that maybe there’s somebody up there after all. i happen to think the totally opposite. when i consider all the terrible crap and all the suffering and pain and anguish in this world, that’s when i have to hope. how can i not? what’s the alternative? can this really be all that’s left for us? is this as good as it gets for some people? i can’t believe that. i refuse to believe that – that life can be filled with suffering and that’s it. nothing else. there has to be more.

for all of us who have been affected by this tragedy, we have to cling onto hope. we can’t give into the pain, the anger. already the cycle of finger pointing, media bashing, insensitivity, racial divides is happening. what matters not is who’s to blame, what’s the right way to talk about it, who should get fired, how should people react, etc. what matters is that there’s more than all this nonsense. we just have to choose to look for it.

color me bad.

there’s been a ridiculous amount of media attention and internet traffic generated over the recent comments by radio shock jock don imus regarding the rutgers women’s basketball team (see how everything revolves around jersey, the greatest state in the union?) it seems like everyone is up in arms about this comment but two distinct voices, at least in my opinion, have emerged from this situation:

1) the voice of indifference – this is the voice that says “who cares, he’s a shock jock, that’s what he says, plenty of people say that everyday, there’s nothing wrong with it in the context of comedy”.

2) the voice of change – this is the voice that says “don imus must be fired. we can not tolerate these kinds of messages anymore and something needs to give.”

honestly, i am personally sick and tired of all this bs regarding racism, perceived racism, political (in)correctness and all that other nonsense. i am not commenting on what imus said or whether or not i feel his words or actions were appropriate. i am commenting on the media whirlwind and what people out there are spewing over race.

here’s the main issue, which i’ve said before in earlier posts – i don’t think this is about race, about color, about stereotypes or all that nonsense, at least not directly. this is about respect, or the lack thereof, in our society today. today’s world is a cynical, negative place where we are extremely quick to ridicule and point out others’ faults or inconsistencies but sloth to help or fix things. all we do in this society is pinpoint mistakes and transgressions and then laugh at them. the truth is there is an enormous lack of respect out there for our fellow brothers and sisters. differences in appearance only serve as a conduit for expressing such lack of disrespect.

tell me, is there a reason why we need to refer to other people with derogatory terms or horrible names filled with historical hatred? is there a reason why people’s lives must be ruined over something said whether in seriousness or jest?

this is not an indictment of “everyone else”. i am the same way. and you know why? b/c i’m a racist too. everyone is. anyone who says they aren’t is a goddam liar. everyone’s got a little racist in them because everyone harbors stereotypes and preconceived notions that they may not exhibit publicly, but they’re there. i guarantee that. anytime someone says something like “i don’t see in color”, i want to rip their heads off. then wtf do you see in? black and white? polka dots? is everyone a stick figure to you? even for all the people out there who claim to want equality and fairness between blacks and whites… i ask you this… what about the yellows? what about the reds, the browns? as an asian man, it’s hard for me to read something where someone calls for racial equality but believes there’s only two colors in that equation. but that is an altogether different issue. again, i return to my main point. this is about respect. this is about courtesy and personal responsibility. again, everyone has these preconceived notions but it’s how you deal with them that defines you. do you give in? do you tighten up when you see a black guy? do you start to laugh when a yellow guy opens his mouth? do you change the way you talk when a white guy’s around? but the best question is, what do you do when they’re not around and it’s just you?

those two voices i mentioned before? both are right. people do say the same crap imus says everyday. maybe it’s in private, maybe it’s amongst friends, maybe it’s in a public setting, but it definitely gets said by someone of each color everyday. and you know what? that does need to stop. we do need to recognize that every single person out there is a human being just like you and me. you want to make fun of someone for being a color? how about i make fun of you for being ugly and dumb?

these 3 links below should provide more color into the situation, no pun intended. if you can only read 1, read the chappelle article. he is as intelligent and perceptive as he is hilarious. and i truly mean that.

this 1st link is to an interview with jemele hill, a black female sportswriter for espn.com’s page 2. you can read the interview, which is very interesting and honest, but the real meat is in the comments where people are debating the imus issue.

the 2nd link is to an article regarding the georgetown hoyas and their relationship with race, steretypes and perceptions. it’s got incredible insight into why we identify with racial jokes and stereotypes.

the 3rd link is to an article summarizing dave chappelle’s recent appearance on oprah and what he had to say. focus on the 5th frame of the article, this is the most poignant part of his message.
in the end, i say this. you cannot understand what it is like to be black in america if you are not. you cannot understand what it is like to be yellow in america if you are not. you cannot understand what it is like to be white in america if you are not. you cannot understand what it is to be anything anywhere if you are not. but we can try. we can try to understand and build bridges. all it takes is some respect. there’s no need to close your eyes and be “colorblind”. being your color is as much a part of you as your IQ, your humor, your shoe size. but can you respect that?