movie review.

i think it’s high time for another movie review. today’s movie of choice will be “the wedding date”. everyone rolling their eyes and laughing at me, shut up.

now for those of you who don’t know this movie, it’s a chick flick of course. i don’t really watch a lot of other genres. once in a while, i’ll watch a dramatic movie that makes me “think” but i go to the movies to be entertained. if i wanted to think, i’d sit in my room, light some incense, and turn on some yanni. “v for vendetta”? more like v for wait till it comes out on VIDEO! HAHAHAHA!

......

ok i’ll shut up.

anyway, “the wedding date” can by summarized pretty easily like this: “pretty woman” except this time, the guy’s the hooker. some broad needs a date to her sister’s wedding in england b/c her ex is going to be there and she wants to make him jealous. yada yada yada, she hires a hooker, hilarity and drama ensue.

3 notes before we continue. 1) the male hooker angle is something that’s quite overlooked in our society. while your average woman looks at a female hooker and probably experiences feelings along the line of nausea, disgust, and pity, your average man will see a male hooker and feel only envy. unless it’s deuce bigalow. then you just feel bad for the guy.

2) debra messing is ugly. her nose is just really weird looking. look at it! it looks like something’s about to crawl out of her nostril! seriously, it’s like she’s hiding things in there. if you ever need to smuggle someone through immigration, you know who to call. also, there’s this one scene in the movie where she has her eyes closed and it’s supposed to be all sensual and stuff but instead, the only thing you can focus on is her eye makeup. it’s like she took a gallon of paint, closed her eyes, and chucked it on her face. i guess she was just trying to take the attention away from her nostrils. good job with that one!

3) dermot mulroney is the man. after brad pitt, he is the smoothest, suavest man in today’s american cinema. he would have been a great robert langdon for “the da vinci code”. tom hanks is great and one of my favorite actors but he just doesn’t fit the bill for an action thriller. the closest thing to an action movie he’s done is probably “turner and hooch” and he’s just not slick enough. (if you’ve never seen it, i highly recommend it, one of the greatest cop buddy movies ever, even greater than lethal weapon) hanks is awesome, he’s cool, he’s fun, he’s the man. but he’s not slick. dermot mulroney? what’s cooler than cool? ICE COLD!

moving right along, so debra messing hires dermot mulroney to be her escort to the wedding. once there, all sorts of british people pop up all over the place, you have your typical british gentleman who’s all manners and says things like “that’s quite ridiculous. rather.” and then your crazy party british girl who’s not that attractive, a bit oversized, and really wild, yelling things like “top night!” whatever that means. british people are crazy. at least their teeth are anyway.

so at the wedding, debra messing’s character starts getting attracted to her escort. in fact, after her sister’s bachelorette party and a few too many drinks, she sleeps with him. the next morning she can’t remember the night at all and then dermot mulroney’s character is all upset b/c he had started to fall for her too, even telling her he never does weddings but he did this one b/c “there was something in your voice.” at this point, i had to pull out my BS flag and start waving it furiously. first of all, dude, what are you complaining about, you just did the dirty. relax. second of all, something in her voice? something in her voice??!!? are you serious? everyone knows that voices have nothing to do with looks. have you ever seen any of those girls on those 900 numbers in person? neither have i and i’m sure there’s an excellent reason for that; they look like the exact opposite of how they sound. voices mean nothing. also, shouldn’t dermot mulroney’s character be cognizant of that fact? he’s a male prostitute; these kinds of things, while perhaps not directly related, are definitely associated with his line of business. come on, man, make me believe in the story. sigh.

anyway, so there’s all this drama and i won’t ruin the ending for you, but basically her ex is a big jerk and there’s some secret stuff going on blah blah blah. but even though her ex was a thoroughly disgusting human being, there was still something charming about him. it’s the british accent, i’m telling you. even at work, whenever there’s someone from the london office here, everything they say sounds right, no matter how ludicrous whatever he’s saying may be. he could say something like “are you sure the company’s name is spelled like that? i’m pretty sure there’s a W somewhere in Microsoft. i think it’s silent.” and i’d be like, “you know, you may be right, i heard about those silent W’s, they’re pretty tricky, let me check on that.” british accents, much like glasses, automatically increase your IQ.

basically, the movie was pretty entertaining. i wish they had picked a better girl but what can you do but write a blog entry whining about it. sigh. my life is so hard.