i love girls, girls, girls, girls, girls i do adore.

as a male with many other friends who are male, i can tell you one thing for a fact: i never want to have daughters. this is not to say that should a creature inclined towards wearing dresses and bleeding once a month emerge from my wife, that i would not love her and give her the fullest life that i can give her, but that i think my mind would be more at ease with male children. the reason? because i know what guys are like. (on a side note, is there any other cultural phenomenon that causes as much discomfort among men as discussing a women’s period? this topic alone could bring peace to the middle east. imagine madeline albright saying to whoever was running Israel/Palestine at the time, “listen, if you guys don’t settle this thing right now, i’m going to have to tell you guys about my extremely heavy flow last month.” hell, forget peace in the middle east, we’re talking global domination. this is a huge tool for you women out there. anytime you get in a fight with your man or want the remote, mention your monthly visitor and he’ll be sure to give in. it’s underhanded, it’s unfair, and it’s pure evil, but it works. anything to get you to stop talking about… you know… that thing! this reminds me of a line from a movie or something that goes like this: “i don’t trust anything that bleeds and survives”. girls are crazy.)

anyway, back to the story at hand. no matter how you look at things, guys usually have one singular goal in mind: to be inside as many women in as short a time as possible. any girl out there saying “that’s not true” or “not my guy!”, i’m sorry, but you’re an idiot. every guy has those thoughts, has that desire; inside every male is a wilt chamberlain clamoring to burst free. granted, some men can control this urge, and eventually do; many relationships prosper in a monogamous setting. but this only happens when the male resists his physical urges and desires for something countless times more valuable than physical gratification: a clean home and a hot meal every night. haha just kidding! true love, of course. (hehe hi, mina)

but this doesn’t hide the fact that men, in general, are more apt to wander than women. it’s a simple truth. think of all the relationships you have ever had or have known about, friends, family, whatever. how many of them involved infidelity? and in how many cases was the male at fault?

which is why i wouldn’t want a daughter. not because girls are worse than guys or anything like that but because they’re actually better. everytime a guy would come over to take my daughter out, i’d KNOW. i’d look in his eye and see that look and i’d KNOW. and that would drive me CRAZY. that’s why i wouldn’t want a daughter.

my question is, how do girls deal with this? girls have to know this tenet of life; they have to understand that. i mean, they can SEE where our eyes are going when we’re talking to them. they’re not idiots. what do they think about having daughters? what do they think about men? how can they stand us? seriously?

i don’t even know where i’m going with this anymore. i thought i had a point when i started but i got sidetracked by talking about perio… umm… other stuff.

whatever, every male that read this is nodding his head and agreeing with me while every girl reading this is rolling her eyes and saying something like “omg david’s such an idiot”.

i hate you all.